respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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