If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
