barbara walters just said penis...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
