shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just pee around me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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