dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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