The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
