I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
