He disabled his match.com account in front of me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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