her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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