There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
