when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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