Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
