Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
