Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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