I'm lost and stupid without you.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
