My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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