loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
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He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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