If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
