being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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