i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
