Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
