Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
