went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize