toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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