evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize