I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
