we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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