So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
