Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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