The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
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She swung at the pinata with crutches
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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