so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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