i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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