it wasn't lemon gatorade
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
