Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
