sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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