i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
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Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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