you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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