I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
