Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
