i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
