so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
