Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
