Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
