Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
