i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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