shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
