i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
