This is not my ceiling
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
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You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
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You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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