Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
