Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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