The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
