just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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