I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
