i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
