and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
