he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
