I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
