just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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