i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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