I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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