You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
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You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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