...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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