I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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