I hate all girls vehemently.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
