Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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