you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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