Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
