office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
