you guys were way drunker than both of me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
