Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
