Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
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all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
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easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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