All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
