I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
