I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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