12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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