bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
