im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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