Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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