everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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