I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
