Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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