Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
