i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
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I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.