u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
